Same Year, Same Me??

January 2024

This year does not feel like: New Year, New Me. It feels like: Same Year, Same Me.

I heard the countdown, saw the fireworks, screamed happy new year then slept. I could have slept through it if fireworks weren’t going off all night. London, when it comes to sleep, I’m more of a rain sounds girlie: take notes.

For me, most years feel new because January comes with an event: a new form, a new destination, even something as small as new braids. I went into the year dreading my first semester exams.

Exam Season

For the first time in my academic career I didn’t have a game plan. I didn’t know how to prepare for exams. I realised I was stuck in last semester and this year I had promised myself I would move forward and show up for myself. Not my family, friends, lecturers or counsellors, but for me.

I had to extend myself some grace and acknowledge that last semester was a train wreck which resulted in me not being present for myself mentally. This meant that I was just letting things happen instead of experiencing them. This year I have decided to actively participate in my life: physically, mentally, and spiritually.

University exams, aren’t like high school exams, or any exams I’ve experienced. High school exams often come with an air which makes things seem stiller than they are, almost like the entire school takes a moment of silence. At university no one stops for you, no one is quiet for you. There’s no revision session, there’s no study timetable. There’s no expectation of being anywhere except maybe the exam room and even that isn’t mandatory. I don’t know what I was expecting but there’s a first for everything.

My coping mechanism during this period was prayer and retail therapy. I won’t say too much but after talking to God, decorating my room, buying some clothes and shoes, I felt alright.

Girl Dinner

This month, I went out for dinner to Burger & Lobster in St. Paul’s. I had calamari, grilled lobster, a burger, creme brulee. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Good company, good conversation, good food, drinks, dessert… I thought to myself ‘this is life,’ ‘I could get used to thissss…’ but not too much because that bill was HEFTY. That night reminded me how much I like girlhood and experiencing life.

When the night ended I had no regrets. It wasn’t even a painful spend. Am I used to spending that? NO. Would I do it again? YES.

The next day I was on a train to Manchester heading back to University to prepare for exam season. Back to my normal girl dinner.

Same Year, Same Me.

2023 was a year of self discovery, a free trial, if you will. It was a year of discovering what I like. Not what my family liked, not what my teachers or peers liked, nor my boss or coworkers. This month I began to appreciate the fact that I am living an answered prayer, it’s time to start acting like it. This year my goal isn’t to survive, it’s to live.

February happens to be my birthday month and this year I’m turning 18, so stay tuned to see what’s in store. Love, Zahra ♡