Hang it up!

Am I going to be one of those people that incorporates therapy into their art? I think so.

In one of my sessions, it became clear that I don’t know how to celebrate. I bask in my failures to the point where I burn in the heat of my own self-critique. But after cooling off this summer, I’ve started to recognise the moments that are worth celebrating.

This year, I’ve done so many things younger me would have adored—going to concerts, writing on my blog, getting locs and piercings, and just living freely. But for a long time, I didn’t love her. I beat myself up even though I did the best I could with a bad hand.

But they say when you change your perspective…

Failing at chemical engineering stripped my confidence, but it also gave me the clarity to realize what I truly want. It wasn’t just a bad grade or a misstep—it was a constant sense of tiredness before the day had even begun, a paralysing impostor syndrome that kept me in bed, weighed down by the feeling that I didn’t belong.

Leaving the course wasn’t just a decision—it felt like freedom. Telling people I left brought a strange sense of pleasure, like shedding an identity that wasn’t mine. “I left the course,” I’d say, letting their disappointment or confusion settle in the air, feeling lighter each time. Now, for the first time, I’m entering an academic year and not feeling bound by anyone’s expectations.

I keep checking my notes, scrolling through my course list for Politics and Data Analytics, reminding myself of what I’m going to study. It’s part disbelief, mostly pure excitement. So, I’m hanging up this moment in my gallery of words.

Comments

2 responses to “Hang it up!”

  1. MbuyaRose avatar
    MbuyaRose

    Well done Zahstar. Keep working on your confidence and happiness in your inner self.
    All the best with your new you.

    1. Zahra Williams avatar

      Thank you Mbuya 🙂

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